The sign illuminates the milky night with 300 hundred individual light bulbs streaking across my periphery letting me know I’m in a shitty chain Best Western motel with a sign that dates back to the sixties. No fancy LED lights just old fashioned electricity through way too many bulbs for every function of the motel that doesn’t operate as it should. The points of the crown rise and fall with each passing beat and thought in my head like a wave of nonsense designed to let people know life never stops. It can’t be escaped.
Sleep. What’s sleep? I haven’t slept since I arrived in this god forsaken foreign place. I stare up at this cold war remnant, my mind rolling through 10,000 thoughts a minute in an effort to not think about what bothers me. My brain trying to shut down by over thinking everything else. Insomnia’s a bitch. Yet every morning I go about my business without skipping a beat like the buzzing of the bulbs rising and falling fulfilling the crown.
I have no idea what I’m doing here. The paradigm has shifted. It’s similar to one of those speed games where you put the pieces in place before the timer goes off and when it does the board explodes and the pieces fly everywhere.
My pieces are everywhere.
I have no idea what pieces are what or who is who anymore and what they all mean to me. I don’t know where they fit as they did before, so I stare at the light and think of random bullshit instead of putting the pieces back together with the board filling my crown.
To be lost in translation is to be lost in transition and that’s where my life is at. Yet, there are constants to base my position, but it doesn’t matter they are not important. They are always there regardless, rising and falling and I don’t give a shit. The pieces that are important exploded and dropped somewhere, but I don’t know where. I’m sure as hell it’s not in this awful rundown place.
So I’ll lay here all night and stare at this ancient sign of my youth wondering where it went. The sign mocking me as it constantly rises and falls knowing it’s place. It knows it has me for another night. It has won this battle and the light in the top left corner flickers on it’s own out of sync like a wink letting me know so.